Time troubles

Gmiph was angry. His whole life was ruined. His mother was a poor woman, and she could not afford clothes for him, so he had to wear rags. Now she was dead, and he knew of no father. He had never had any friends, and when he was young, the other children had been teasing and hitting him. Now he was a poor beggar, and had to make a living with other peoples trash. On top of that he was suffering of a bad incurable illness, which was tearing his body apart. He had nothing in the world to be happy about. No one had ever even once smiled at him. He was nothing but a dirty heap of vulture droppings. One miserable morning, when he was on his way to the dirty pond in the middle of the village to take a bath, he tripped over a large rock, and cut his forehead. He roared with fury, and threw the rock right into the nearest window. Accidentally it hit and killed an evil goblin, which was raping a cute little fairy. The fairy was of course very thankful, and granted him three wishes. Gmiph saw his chance. He wished that he had never been born. The fairy frowned. This was a wish that she couldn't fulfill by herself. So they went to me, and she asked me to help her. I told the fairy that Gmiph would need a sword. When he got the shining sword, I told him to kill his mother before he himself was born, and sent him back in time. There he stood facing his own mother, who was in labour. With no hesitation Gmiph killed his own mother, and was never born. But then nobody killed his mother and Gmiph was actually born, so he killed his mother and was never born... The Universe was stuck in an infinite loop. 'Oh well, there We are again.', God said, 'Let there be light...'.

Nob Reihn was angry. His whole life was ruined. His mother was a poor woman, and his father drank a lot, and he often mauled Nob and his mother. He could not graduate in school, because his family had no money. He didn't want to anyway, because his classmates always laughed at his name, and at his ugly clothes. Now he was tendering a bar for homosexuals, but not even they wanted to go out with him. The one time when he had a date, he had ended up in bed with her, and afterwards she called him a raper, spat at him and left him with AIDS. He had nothing in the world to be happy about. No one had ever even once loved him. He was nothing but a dirty heap of vulture droppings. One miserable morning, when he was on his way to the supermarket, he accidentally stepped into a timewarp. He came out a week before his own birth. When he grasped the situation, he decided to make sure that he was never born to this miserable life. He found his home, poured a gallon of gasolene around it, and set fire to it. Then he watched it burn, and waited for his life to vanish. It didn't. The house burned to ashes, and he found his parents burned bodies, and he was never born, but still he did not disappear! Disappointed and disillusioned, he tried to take his life, but managed only to paralyse himself, and had to spend the rest of his awful life in bed. I was his surgeon, and I told him that universe is relative, and even if you destroy your birth, it does not affect you in your time. Relative to you, time always moves forward, even if you travel backwards in time. So burning your parents, is as useless as to burn your own footprints. If it was not so, and that one event should affect a whole line of time, it should also affect a whole line of space, but then one single bomb, for instance, would blow up the entire universe!

Alaic Mogre Zimuna was angry. His whole life was ruined. His genetic Suppliers had been defective, and his school module had crashed when he had tried to play games on it, so he was dispelled. He had no education, and therefore no work, and therefore no credit prints. Now he was in jail for sleeping in a Subcity Teleport Area. He had nothing in the world to be happy about. No one had ever even once slept with him. He was nothing but a dirty heap of vulture droppings. One miserable morning, when the Coffematic failed again, he decided to build a time machine, go back to the time of his birth, and nuke the laboratory. First he made a nuclear bomb, using the Coffematic. Then he made a time-machine out of the LC (Laser-Closette), and off he went. He arrived at the laboratory, and placed the bomb. Now it was only to press the button. He waited until the very moment of his birth, and then he pressed. Nothing happened. He pressed the button a bit harder. Nothing. The bomb did not work. This was very strange, because he had double-checked everything twice. Well, there was nothing to do about it, so he decided to enter the lab and destroy his own embryo. But when he found his Ripeness Tube, he could not make himself to break it. He was overwhelmed with fear for what would happen if he did, and in the next moment a guard discovered him, and threw him out of the building. This made no sense for him, and he went back with the LC, and served the rest of his life in jail. Afterwards he told me what happened (I was the prison's Computer System Operator (CoSysOp) at the time), and I explained to him that it was not possible to change the history. It is absolute. The nuclear Coffematic-bomb couldn't detonate just because it is a historical fact that no nuclear Coffematic-bomb detonated at that time, and since he is alive no one destroyed his embryo. Therefore he could not destroy it even if he wanted to. I also told him not to be sorry, because the prison would soon offer him a job. The theatre-committee is setting up a dramatic version of 'Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy', and he would serve perfectly as Marvin!

Virgil Dezaahl was angry. His whole life was ruined. His genetic engineer had given him a defective brain, rendering him almost unable to learn. He had no education, and therefore no work, and therefore he was in jail for life. He had nothing in the world to be happy about. No one had ever even once asked to share DNA with him. He was nothing but a dirty heap of vulture droppings. One miserable morning he won third price in a lottery: a trip in time with the Time and Space Travel Agency inc. He decided to go back to before the time of his birth, and kill his genetic engineer. I was his guide. He stepped into the temporal relocation field. When he looked up he saw only me. I told him he had gone back in time and succeeded to kill his genetic engineer. Therefore he was never constructed, and hence noone killed the engineer. Since time is nothing but a fourth dimension, he was back where he started. He spent the rest of his life in an isolation cell wondering what went wrong.

By Avarath the Wizard